just my musings: the purple chair

Some days I feel so far away from understanding my purpose. It is during these times that I literally feel like I am stuck in the "dryer" of life and the cycle will never end. It just keeps spinning on high. Week after week flies by until one day I look at a pile of papers that I set on my desk over a year ago and at the time said, "I'll get to those next week", and yet, there they sit. True story.

Yes, I'm still here, I'm still alive, I have a smile on my face and really have nothing to complain about. But, WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING!!!! That's just a little how I've been feeling as of late.

So, today, as I went through the motions and attempted to complete and wrap up yet another seemingly uneventful and meaningless day in my life's existence, I sought to find meaning. Let me explain.

Right now I'm sitting in a purple chair. The only reason I'm sitting in a purple chair instead of a normal black office chair like everyone else with cushy arms (or any arms at all), a mesh back and multiple adjustment options, is because this one, in my personal opinion is more comfortable and three years and some odd months ago, it was my only option. So, here I sit. I do my job and once a month I get paid for it.

At the beginning of this stint at the agency of my employment, my attention was focused on sales. Now, not only due to the economy but some internal shifts in our agency, I do less sales and more customer service work. However, at the beginning when sales was my focus, the activities that I involved myself in on a professional level were all for the sale, if you know what I mean.

I can't tell you how many "coffee appointments" I had with other professional peers who were just doing the same thing I was. I met a lot a really nice people, but at the end of the day, all they wanted to do was sell me something and all I really wanted to do was sell them something.

I am not in any way trying to minimize the effort and work that many men and women do in sales roles. Our world needs these people.

For me, I'm just sitting in my purple chair and it's days like today (which recently is everyday) that I ask myself, "did I choose this chair, or did the chair choose me?"

While by God's grace I do find satisfaction in what I do, it can still seem empty. Today I thought of all the many times that I've sat across from another professional and talked "business" with them. Now, looking back, if I made the sale, no one really remembers. What if instead of talking to these prospective clients and business partners about insurance, I told them about Jesus?

When I think about that, then I start to wonder why am I still sitting in this purple chair.

Really the answer is simple. As I've been told time and time again: "This is only a season. What I'm doing does matter. My work is my mission field." For some reason, today, that's not enough, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that because it has woke me up, and even though the dryer is still going, for just a moment, I'm able to sort through and make sense of the chaos.

I guess I think incorrectly at times that eventually the dryer will stop and I will be doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing. But, in reality, the dryer will never stop. Each season of my life may look different on the outside, but my purpose (which can be the topic of a blog for another day) can always be the same.

Maybe at the time, this chair chose me. But I always have a choice. Sometimes our perspective on the situation needs to change and sometimes the situation needs to change. We have to be able to recognize which needs to happen and then embrace it. For me, my perspective needs to change and it needs to keep changing.

So for now, I am going to embrace the purple chair, but this time with meaning.

my new years "wish list": part 1

Personally, I don't like making New Year's Resolutions because when I do, it's rare that they actually come to be "resolved" the way in which I intended. So, I would rather just stick to making wishes. And, if they come true, great, and if not, there's always next year. So, here are just a few of my new year's wishes.

Wear less black:
One quick look through my closet and you won't see much, but what you will see is a lot of black. Now, I know that black can be classy and slenderizing for those less desirable areas, but if you ask me it can also just be really depressing. I mean, lets see what I wore to work this week: black pants, black top (with a little white), black socks, black shoes, black coat, black glasses... okay seriously, I just forgot the black nail polish.

Since becoming a consumer of cable television last July, I have discovered a variety of new "favorites" and while I don't really wish to become "that person" I do enjoy peeking at what's on once in a while. I'm sure you're familiar with the show "What Not to Wear". This has become slightly depressing for me and made me re-think whether my monthly comcast bill is really worth it. Lets just says, I hope I don't get nominated by my family and friends for "what not to wear" (although a $5,000 shopping spree for a new wardrobe wouldn't be bad). However, this has led me to consider if what's in my closet should really be worn. Hence, the discovery that I wear too much black. So, one of my new years "wishes" it to wear less black.... we'll see how it goes.

Enjoy today:
This one is for my husband, and by that I mean, he will really appreciate that this is one of my wishes. They say opposites attract right? Well, if you know my husband at all, you know that he always has a smile on his face and sees the positive in every situation. Need I say that this is not my gifting? Somehow I'm pretty sure God knew what he was doing when he put the two of us together. Ryan is indeed the perfect compliment to my somewhat anxious, at times depressing, and pessimistic outlook on life.

Growing up my mother would often remind me to be thankful. She would and still does encourage me to write down everything I am thankful for. Doing this helps me to have the Lord's perspective on my life, not mine, which as you can see isn't always the greatest. I always think of Philippians 4: 6-7 which says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." And, you know what, it really works! Isn't God amazing! So, with the help of the Lord and my loving husband, I'm going to enjoy today, and then, do it again tomorrow!

Well, I do have other "wishes" but they will have to wait for later. I can only focus on so many things at once. For now I just need to be thankful for my black clothes!

time to start writing

Well, I've been putting this off for about the last 10 years, so I guess there's no time like the present with the start of a new year and a fresh coat of red polish on the nails. Yes, it's true, I'm going to start blogging. This is just the beginning folks, of yet, another distraction, and undoubtedly a waste of the next few minutes of your life. But maybe in the posts to come, some may be funny, some may be sad, and some may even give you something to ponder about... but don't hold your breath.

Since being at work for the past four hours, I'm pretty sure I have only received three phone calls, which is really unheard of. So, I just thought that I would give my writing skills some much needed practice. So here we go...

me at work... thrilling i know

Just a few vitals:
I spend my days as shown in the picture above, working as a licensed Insurance Agent for a small family owned agency. My amazing husband (of a little over 1 year) is in his last year of school at Portland State University working on his Bachelor's degree in English and Classical Studies minor. He is also a peer mentor at the University and enjoys meeting with 36 students twice a week in three small group sessions. We are both involved with our church, Solid Rock, where we both serve and worship our Savior, Jesus Christ. Our life is full, but it is a joy, as we turn to our Lord each morning and enjoy time with Him. That's the nuts and bolts of us.

I do need to make one important note, unless otherwise indicated these posts are not written nor proof-read by my husband, the educated one. If they were, they may not have made it this far.

Now that we have that awkward introduction over with, I want to thank you for checking in with The Doucet's as they live, love and learn... (a lot of learning..). Until next time....